Wednesday, July 30, 2008

Do nothing

She usually doesn’t accept such invitations… parties where she knows none… and have to wonder and wander all by herself… but she took this one for two reasons … first it was from a dear friend … second she decided to work around her tendencies of not being comfortable in strange settings …. So here she is promising herself a great evening of high spirits and there it is all in abundance ….

Smiles … smiles all around… her attire match her mood her image says she’s arrived… she amuses herself with the chitter -chatters around… long grown traces flow as she moves… she touches them… strand by strand… winds and unwinds around her fingers… while she sips the delicious Portuguese country wine with all due admiration… in the crowd… giggling, cherishing the food and wine… loving and being loved…. All eyes of admiration surround her…

the jaipuri zigzag of her wrapped around umbrella skirt makes a catchy, twirling image every time she turns and hops her way through all all… or even walk a few steps… yet her aloofness is as exquisite as her yello silk body hugging top … content yet enuring, enhancing every beautiful curv of her….
She traces the eyes following her moves….. admiring her inch by inch in the dimness of the yellow mood lights….

She wouldn’t talk much… and so remains unapproachable ….. the discussion somehow pulled her from her aloofness as they started talking about the design of food and desiogn of interiors… she obliged everyone with her remarks…the conversation became more academic than romantic with her remarks… and yet again as she concludes all would try forcing it to another tangent… distant from her… thinking that romance is not quite her area of indulgence… the discussion reaches to mood lights… most in mood… ummhs and aahs… replaces the usual murmur and all ears turn to her…. What would she say….
She who spells single hood with her existence… and define it strongly…eh the single…

“U don’t need lights to be in the mood” she giggles her way out…and all admirations follow… one pair of eyes follow her for an answer..

“Romantic comment”… “I am impressed” a man in his 60ies appraises her
Smiles flash as she turns to him…

“So, what is this pretty romantic girl doing here, on this lovely evening… where she indulges in academic conversations and avoid the funny ones… when she could well be with her mate in wildest mood”

She is amazed he is presumingly the wisest person in the whole gathering… did he read something in her eyes… does he know something already… she just flashes a smile

“M proving my metal… besides I don’t have a mate as yet”

“Don’t tell me u don’t have a boyfriend… or even a girlfriend…”

“I am single and straight” she smiles

“I can’t believe this … how a person like you could be single”

“At her will”

“Oh! So you mate at will”

“I haven’t mated yet… haven’t found anyone yet”

“Miss free willed please don’t take me wrong…. But I am puzzled”

She excuses herself from the provocations and gets refuse in a corner .

The man still puzzled he had never seen a woman so graceful, learned, and tasteful, full of life and wit … in her late twenties. Luring numerous at the wimp of her hair… bee-ed and buzzed at every turn of her pretty head… and yet she remains single… and unmated… the lady seemed to be a riddle…

Remote from the buzzing crowd she eases herself in to a lovely couch and ponders over the conversation… she could see him figuring where she sits and approaching her fast. Am I so interguing? She question herself … anything wrong with me?

He stood in front of her … there isn’t any escape

Forgive me lady for chasing you like this… but my question remains… though I don’t believe what you told me earlier but still… if I believe u completely I have this question… if all that is true… what does this lady do when she feels sexy?

The words reach her as warm candle wax… the question she never faced and wasn’t prepared to face…

Needless to say you are sexy all the time but I am talking of those moments when you yourself feel sensuous… what do you do at such moments?

She laughs aloud at the nothingness of this question… terminating it in to a beautiful chuckled dimple says with the smile… ‘I do nothing” … she looks straight in to those amazed wide eyes gaging her reply and repeats “I do nothing”…

Saturday, July 26, 2008

freedom... liberation

He always had problem of space in the relationship ….

She had always been suspicious of whether he was back to the old forgotten days…

he was pissed and asked for freedom…

she had only one question for him “If I free u from myself would u b liberated?”

Friday, July 25, 2008

on my knees

After playing the wrong one for last two days (I wonder how I am always the wrong one) and feeling terribly guilty about it…. This evening came to Mumbai which awaits it with all its washed streets , lush sappy greens and a tinge of cold wave similar to what I used to experience in Bangalore…. Aah! My days of solitude and evenings of loneliness…

I was drifted back in time as if on a time machine …. A year back when I decided to end all that…. My romance with myself… the indulgence untouched… to transform in to the intense feeling… the feeling which was to transform me to someone I didn’t even remotely resembled those days… on a single call…

This cannot be defined…. The words the rhymes … nah none can cover a bit of what I felt for him and for myself at that moment when he said…. “Lady, I am on my knees”

Thursday, July 24, 2008

Unaccounted delight

It was a cool happy morning bathed in October sun… every ray nourishing the sap green of the atmosphere the very first gerberas in bright pink were swaying in the mild zephyr that breezed now and then…

she was pleased with what she made and what they did last evening… when it poured and he offered to drop her home… the discussions remained incomplete as the electricity decided to shun off as they went on discussing the nitty critty of what she made and she stopped abruptly… a whiff of despair… of an incomplete conversation… she showed her displeased face… as the rain god played with the emotion of both the sky (with lightning) and earth (with rain) …. Why cant they all stop at once or the electricity stop playing game… but then… because of rain he offered to drop… and amused her in many ways…

a disconnect came in between as she was brought back from admiring the doped morning to resume the incomplete discussion of last night… as they discussed he pointed every shortcoming of what she made and she defended in vain… his face kept turning sterner with every negative comment he made… her face turned more pale with every vain defense she attempted… they settled for something they both agreed and she returned to work again…
This evening too it rained badly but he didn’t offer to drop…

as he drove swiftly in the pouring rain... she understands it well... sure there aren’t any unaccounted delights..

Friday, July 18, 2008

to him called "The teacher"

It was long due to post this piece about a person influenced my academic life and blessed me by being around… so here goes the salute to my teacher I hated most at one point in time and loved most at another for different reasons but both emotions had been so strong that I didnt realise the swing in them was so drastic and immense… only when i started writing it occured to me are two stories from the lot of experiences which defined my relation with him….

FIRST: I was a naive kid who just hopped in to the architecture class and was proud of her skills (sketching rendering) in the very first year... I happened to do my first visual arts assignment very fast and was the first to make a model of the city square to commemorate the 50th year of independence. .. A for a change was pleased with what I made and early execution so he called the HOD to see what ever i made... i was pleased with myself and with what I made... He came ... saw and then called the whole class... he didn’t say a word in praise (neither did A) so I was brought back from a state of walking in the air to stand still and watchful... (I wasn’t pleased... being a pampered kid) ... as the whole class gathered he started narrating a story but before that he asked a question... how many of us actually and truly wished to be an architect... I guess only three hand rose and mine was one of them... he didn’t bother to wait for the answer though and started telling a story...“in this very first assignment you all did what is asked from you its a forced situation... but it is necessary.. . I would like to equate this situation with the situation of Meera bai when she first got the small idol of Krishna... ..and was asked to worship him daily... she did what was asked from her.... not more neither less... just what was asked from her.... slowly and surely as she grew up... this practice became part of her... the idol became part of her as much as she fell in love with him.... in sleep and awake... in a bright day or in the nothingness of night she could think only of Krishna... and at the end she could achieve him... became one with him... i wish you all achieve architecture in same way... now what seem to you a forced job may one day become your life and more... you may not understand the intensity with which the architectural practice is done but when it will come to you ... may you all do it with as much vigor and passion asMeera loved Krishna..."I was shocked... I had only heard from father that this guy is a great personality but it never occurred to me how great a man be to love his profession as much as Meera loved Krishna... my respect to him found its root deep in my heart that day... and the roots remain intact till date...

SECOND: I was to lead a NASA project while my batch was suppose to take responsibility of the participation. .. I was ready to work under any of my batch mates and on any project as I was the loner that time to and was away from group politics.... He was to choose the leader... I knew its me.... but my irregular attendance.. . Calling sick now and then (I was asthmatic those days and rarely used to attend classes) and bunking class for no apparent reason... and erratic behavior (I was never consistent) forced him to choose a leader from our junior batch.... I was for all good reason hurt cause I knew... I will have to work as much as i was supposed to but without a tag of leader.... he knew m hurt... but he didn’t react... the work started proceeding thanks to my good relation with juniors I could work in harmony under their leadership.. . (I had to cause I was suppose to be most inclined towards history of architecture and documentation came easy to me)... but not all was going well... I had my non agreement also... and as all know I was most vocal about them... he happened to pass by that very moment when I was pointing out the disagreement. .. while most others wanted to ignore it I wished to resolve it then and there... so that greater loss could be avoided... I was forceful and was able to convince all to resolve it then.... he entered that very moment... I was shocked to find him around.... he turned to me.... and said...." N naitritva karo netagiri nahin" I was white as the whitest willow... as the whole stock of blood is out of my body .... and was amazed cause I thought I was right... then he added " how much ever you were right.... you sounded very wrong.... forcing people to work according to you isn’t leadership.. . Its dictatorship. ... and the leader in you dies the moment you do that" I got back to may senses... I asked for the vote and people disagreed to what I was saying... we worked accordingly. ..

The two lessons are the greatest lessons of my life... as much as I learned architecture from him I learned humanity and spirituality from him.... he is one of the best teachers I ever had…

Thursday, July 10, 2008

u said u will call

does she has a number….
And she knew u wont…
Cause u never….
And if at all where
At desk
When she's not there..
At appu’s but she's not wid her
My dear …
she's sick and will be at home…
The place remains
Meaning disappear…

just when you cut the call she was to tell the fever has gone up and she would be at home... and now she wonders while she waits for the call... why r u so cold... and also "will you ever be ........."

Wednesday, July 2, 2008


Pulled the boat in the lake
Devoid of choice
On the sail … yet un-sailed

Peeped the peppy window
By the wall so blue
A scene… so unseen

A head turned… known/unknown
Jerked to pain
Storms the mane… entangled it leaves

Shed all what green
Grey in the mist
Decay they read … death it seem

Tuesday, July 1, 2008

roll to revolve... or to evolve

Some drops just roll down
The slippery cheesy cheeks help them
Realize their innate nature
Tacit, built in, synonym of existence
So they roll… cause they know nothing..
Else then rolling down….

As soon as the eyes brim
They start their journey
Brisk, swift… as if eager to meet the kerchief
Oblivious of the fact
That eyes tried hard to hold them back
That they exhibit a bundle of emotions..
Hidden so well… till yet…
That none cares for their journey or the end

And then he laughs …. On this stupidity
Of them…. Or her