stumbled....

I found myself starring at her gait.... aimlessly without any recollection or cognition of what I was looking at and what she meant to be.... is she the same.... as she approached me....the thought lingered till it found pronunciation.... a profound one mixed with disapproval of what I was looking at..... But something told me she was the same....
The distinct smile.... distinctively different curl of those lips now disfigured still made a gesture which was so unique... yes she was the same girl i am acquainted with for over 5 months now....she who took me somewhere called her home,... treat me with happiness and laughter... almost out of the blue...and the blue faded with each passing day between us....
Is she the same her... whom I called this morning or it was her who called me... and I didn’t even realized what’s wrong... all I could get was...she wasn’t well....and she wish to see me urgently and immediately... I left home in hurry... dressed most peculiarly as i always do I looked out of place in the setting... the beggar joker persona I was making wasn’t apt to meet someone in pain... she told me there was a fight and also that she is hurt... but then it never occurred to me that the hurt is physical as well as much it was emotional....
And it was not the usual emotional disturb that a lady faces when center of her universe starts moving towards some other circle and she tries hard to bring it back to the center she assumes her own.... it was beyond the limit of her trying to bring the center back and had something to do with redefining the circle itself...
And did I get the hint earlier.... did I ever listen to the undertones of seemingly endless sessions of jokes and laughter... for reasons and for irrationality both... and didn’t we enjoy it all with all gusto... I wouldn’t take the credit away from her.... yes she was the one who made it happened... but question remains ... didn’t I realize this coming before....
Maybe when... she first came downstairs and peeped from far.... smiling and waving.... or when she first stood at the side of my drawing board looking at what I made and making intelligent remarks... even when she was cracking joke.... did I see it coming.... when she put that home up piece by piece.... every curtain... every object.... even every sunray approaching her home spelled her name.... did I see it coming when I saw a hanuman idol in the bedroom... and the careless remark that “icon are what we made of them ... so it doesn’t matter whether its hanuman or cupid which is placed there....” did I see it coming...
How could I not... see her crying through her jokes... yelling for help through her remarks and looking for my hand through her laughter.... wasn’t I also equally responsible for what I saw this morning... wasn’t I was involved in what happened last night... however distantly...