Last eveing

I stood in the rain, last evening

It healed me

I have been watching it from afar

For all the evenings that it poured

Not last evening 

I took a step last evening

And I stood in the rain

It did heal me

The pours were drenched through

The joy seeped in

I had to though step in , while it still rained

It kept healing others

I had to step in , so I don’t fall sick

Healing, joy and sickness… 

They are not part of an adults life…

moment that hung in the passage of time

you did go away leaving me hanging... 

in the middle of a conversation... 

anticipating, and drifting in to the highs and lows of it all... 

like that bee near the blossom 

on the other side of the glass pane... 

like that island surrounded by sea... 

in the middle of no where... 

and that moment...

that hung in the passage of time... 

the story of yearning is the only story told... 

those make the throat dry... 

like the eyes of that bee , the sand on the island and that pause in that time...

At the end... we fill what remains

I might have said this several times
and you...
might have thought of it as well
its strange that we are so similar
and still...
we are not the same

we set out to become the lost pieces
of a puzzle...
those that were cast to meet
the one that is you, looking to fill
trying and testing
the one thats me, with endless gaps

we like to feel its all done
and the time
has done its deed to cement
there are new ones though
every now and then
where me being me and you being you

Glance

I see you... Yes, I do,
In this splash... of forgotten
evoked by drama of season shift
I try to keep aloof,
pulling the curtain, shutting the pane
de acclimatizing and conditioning my surround
yet it pierced through
as flashes, running by
reminding, reviving, reinstating
what is between me and you
and I see you... and you me too
although just in apercu... 

Maps of mind

In the state of incredulity
and uncertainty over the same
I kept calling you... yet
couldn't share any of such...

can I ever...
more... will you ever...

mind maps...
and their gaps...
if only those could be drawn...
or understood...

ways to pleasure

At this moment…
That hangs in the air…
Uattached… digressed from the physical world
That’s running…
Maybe parallel… to me and you
As we exist metaphysically
Together…
Beyond this frame of time
And space
I look at you
And your existence
Intellectual
And make love to you
In my mind…


Pleasure…
It does find its ways
While there wasn’t
Any scope for it…
Smiles
Smiles

to walk many more miles...

We walked miles together

Without speaking… I could feel the silence…

You remained there… like a feeling

Not just as person… I could feel my own existence

More with you…

Like some background music… not felt unless you pay attention

Yet it soothes you without you knowledge

I earlier thought it would have been better…

If you spoke… or start running suddenly…

In the middle of all those walks we had together

or did some wacky things…

but you remained you… and we grew together

and now I know this is best…

for me and you and both…

every little dream that I dream has you…

every aspiration ends in you…

you let me go to make me find you

again… and again… and yet again…

sometime to discover you from the bit I left you…

sometimes from the scratch…

sometime in blush of the cheeks… sometime in new painted wall

sometime inside a cozy duvet … sometime under a scoring sun…

you are the sweet and sour and pepper of my life

the very essence and flavor…

be my love forever…

time

I couldn't know...

how it travelled

time as we call it

one big chunk of it

is spent without you

longing for you

and yet another

will be spent

without being with you

the time I spent with you

was big... and yet it wasn't enough

the time I spend longing

isn't so big... but seems unending

such is the play of time

:)

This fast moving life…

I seem to have lost…

The track of change…

Rising late is sin…

Even on Sunday…

I run to catch you…

And you run away…

And yet we seem to be

Running towards each other…

They say that is the way…

new youth

i like the smell of paint

and the newly painted

yet to mature

like those tender years

between those desired and undesired impressions

waiting to find expressions

every touch every unintended encounter

leaves work for a lot many touch ups

yet

the scars will show when in bright light

i like the smell of newly painted

like the smell of new youth

to be preserved and protected...

monsoon

this is my third monsoon in Mumbai... and i guess i have come to terms with this city...

its uncleaned ways... and its ways to welcome rains with the worst potholes ... road blocks and traffic jams...

say whatever do whatever... rains have amazing quality to heal your soul...

i was congratulated in the middle of the night by the guy as soon as the first blop of rain came rushing towards the mumbai land...

i guess the guy is also coming to terms with my obsessions with rains...

all smiles...

wishful

I wonder if you kept

Some little parts of your existence

Wrapped in the soft cover…

Those that felt so nice to touch

Unexposed to this world of many…

Expecting me to come to them …

When they are new and naïve

The tonal difference

So gradual yet sudden stark

Clearly exhibiting untanned… cured

From …Tanned and expose

Untouched from this worldly malign

Pure and wrapped in white…

Oh they felt so mine…

But that was just too wishful…

And yes you dare to bare

Exposing every bit …

To the smallest pilus…

Not to wonder…

How u evenly tanned…

Let me get more wishful…

And hope to find …

A road that you travelled alone

An unexplored flavor of tea

A new excitement of edge of seat…

And then I wish to share

Everything new… on your flair

And yes I will wait…

For the new growth…

From this shiny waxed skin…

no more

chrome and gold that found the flow

the rim so red and pink that glow

slow it was to start, fast it was to grow

from deep blue to purple to the very cyan

it was there to be it seem but it was to go

i wonder , admired and wished to share

as you flew, fast by me in fright of being late

Alas! there are no mornings, noons , 

eves or late nights to hold...

no more are we have time or eyes 

to mark the changes so vivd and bold...

hiding again

And she decides to drift away

In to the oblivion…

Where none knows “the start and end of her being”

To be the way she is

And not to prove it all the time

A place where the conversations still live

Of delicate dream of May flower

And careful nurture of sunshine…

Without the worries of…

Ration of the day

And obligations of night

Of endless chuckles

And not scheme per seconds… 

Roll to reach

Things roll to reach…
I wonder..
If there is something...

Doesn’t start
Don’t need to start
Or to reach...

Just to be as it is
As if perfection…

Is there anything like perfection?
Or there are just mirrors...
Of imperfections...

Trying hard to call
Themselves perfect
And they seem perfect too
At times…

But they all roll
To reach… or achieve
Their own Imperfections…

May be this is the way… to life…

tantalising afresh

I had forgotten you
Well almost…
And you came afresh

To tantalize…
All that was hidden
Not to be known
Covered by layers

And to remind
That you are mine

The in between

the in between stands,

to be found one day...

By one... or some other.

one from the extream...

but to cover...

the guilt of in between.

He who seeks him...

only to find himself.

cause he who covers.

only knows... all covered.

the good... the bad... and in betweens...

rain and you

Its been long that I saw a washed road... not that this city has any less of rains ... just that nothing is enough to wash the dirt that the roads of Mumbai contain and keep close to its heart... it will never let that go... and then suddenly in the mist of all this mud puddled ways I am reminded of you... you when you were washed and came to me first... here...
And i wish i could just be with you... then again I look at someone on the other side of my bed... and see the rational of why you are so unattainable to me...

Prescription...

So came the morning.... deprived of the warmth of the sun... who chose
to hide behind the gloomy clouds and gave way to stormy wind to fill
the chill in the wind strokes that touch us now and then... freezing
cold ... and damp... the atmosphere seem to be trying to come in terms
with the gloom that surrounds her existence un nursed she was... did
she ever realized... none looked at her for long or even for short
towards this blunt, head strong, rigid creature with a tyrant heart
... a distinct taste for clothes she could never understand how she
stands the other Her ... the stout female she hangs around with and
look at her what is she wearing today....a short red pant which
stopped just before the ankle... a small top and a large coat with a
big umbrella in hand. What a contrast to a well build well dressed
her... still they coexist and relate... the mind that they both had
vibrated in synchrony on many issues...

Manufacturing defects they used to laugh...

She saw her standing at the gate of an unfamiliar residence... they
looked at each other and laughed ... for no reason (the situation
couldn't allow even a hint of laughter...) and when they were done...
they could see the moist eyes which couldn't be hidden from each
other...
she would cry any moment she thought...
no i wont she thought... i have... but not now....
she sees a disfigured smile... but a distinct recognition of empathy...

they stayed together... and let the chilly brease pass through their
hair... for the sake of solidarity... no word spoken... nothing
unearthed... still she knew... its broken... it wont be one again...

She looked at her... she looked at her... and it was known there
wasn't any point to discuss... the ear drum was broken by that blow
and face was disfigured... she could only hear from one ear... that
too echoed... humm they laughed at it....
What if I see a handsome man and he wish to whisper something... which
I wont hear...
And they laughed again... they needed to see the doctor immidiately...
So they rushed....
Doctor after doctor... door after door... tests after test...

Run and cross....
No i am scared to cross... i need to hold hand
There no hand to hold... run at my call...she doesnt notice... the
impact of the statement...
She laughs, yes there isnt any hand now to hold...
She sees bleak dimming eyes.. eyes those used to be wide and full and
smiling... sorry she says ... i didnt mean it.. but run on my call
hold my hand if you wish...

They reach the doc... last in rows... same set of question...

What happned?
I fell...
This doesnt seem to caused by falling...
I said i fell... thats all i know...
Maybe someone hit you after you fell...
The doctor sees the change of emotion on her face... i fell and thats
all i know...
Are you married....

This time the other her laughs... sure she is... what do you think ...
people fall and married people fall often...

No married people fall for once and then they file a divorce... she confirms...

Doctor is shocked now.... whats wrong with you ladies.... if it is a
police case i wont touch this... anyways there is very less chance
that you will hear from this ear again... i will try my best...

Oh no doctor... i wish to hear... other wise how would i hear the
whisper so wishfull... i wish to hear that... i wish to hear more...

And they both laugh... and laugh and laugh...

The doctore precribes... not to laugh and not to be with a mad person
like her.

Dreamflower

I feel a part of u inside me.
Ooo! Yes I know you.
By Your smell...
The unique aroma... of yours

I know you...
From the days of my childhood
When mom put a dash...
Under my arm

I know you
From the days
When i follow your sweet pungent
And reached my moms pallu

Which swung...
Here and there
And so do you
And i know you

I fell for you once again
Discovered you new
This morning
Rays brought you in

You rushed all over
Soothing my pours
Oh! How could...
I refuse

It hung around me
When you left
The day long
And refreshed me at day end

Something in me needs you
Something in me incomplete without you
You fill me... cover me
oo! Dream flower Thank you!