Chipped and splintered
Spalled by the meson called time
Pieces of persona fragmented
Small bit here and there
Separated by pauses
Each waits to meet other
Oh! My homeland written on one
And my workplace on other
My pa’s effort called one
Ma’s dedication spelled other
Sis my dear the little quarrels
And lots of love
Bros’ pampering and care all over
One piece it was a great sculpture
After they rejoin is another
Shook off and extirpated
My existence is renewed
Reincarnation… for good… or…
Friday, April 25, 2008
Wednesday, April 23, 2008
PMS
Suspires she left with….
Words got chocked… couldn’t breathe…
Hah… despair…
Reason unknown… unasked…
Ill returned
There isn’t any reality…
If only, her seeked reality…
could be found…
Why me … why me…
Wounded someone was or maybe not….
He should heel or not or whatever he wants…
Why me…. why me….
Suspires again…..
Timid existence…. With Surcingles unknown
In reach yet gone...
tingles but no action...
aah... its just a phase... or PMS
Words got chocked… couldn’t breathe…
Hah… despair…
Reason unknown… unasked…
Ill returned
There isn’t any reality…
If only, her seeked reality…
could be found…
Why me … why me…
Wounded someone was or maybe not….
He should heel or not or whatever he wants…
Why me…. why me….
Suspires again…..
Timid existence…. With Surcingles unknown
In reach yet gone...
tingles but no action...
aah... its just a phase... or PMS
Tuesday, April 22, 2008
Azaleas
This air is intoxicated
Filled with the perfume of color
color rubbed contours wait
For touch of such… to get more high…
Goose pimpled body needs nothing
In return of one more encounter…
Of those tips and these tips…
Ends … and reaches…none to define..
Arms length or stone throw …
Away always means not near
Showing but not coming
And the air waits…Azaleas it feels… vivid yet dry
Filled with the perfume of color
color rubbed contours wait
For touch of such… to get more high…
Goose pimpled body needs nothing
In return of one more encounter…
Of those tips and these tips…
Ends … and reaches…none to define..
Arms length or stone throw …
Away always means not near
Showing but not coming
And the air waits…Azaleas it feels… vivid yet dry
Tuesday, April 8, 2008
looking back
I wish he saw me drunk by the stagnant pool
Soaked but baking under the sharp eyes of sun
Nudity finding a new dimension
With play of cloth tingles on the uneven tan of skin
Droplets traveling through the bare back
Showing an undernourished skin and impurities in veins
Flesh of legs and almost fleshless arms...
I wish I met him the day, I didn’t fear to look good
Seductivity lingered only on the edge of the eyes
Not showing up not going away
Traveling up to the edge of the lips and vanishing
Producing a shrug of desperation in spectators…
Drooling around to find the rare glimpses of it
And me unaware of it completely…
I wish he sat near me under that lone tree…
In the field where I used to go for surveying
Blazing sun wondered what material I am made of
With m oozing on that summer day
Found all reason not to work but command
When I found partners in crime and produced…
Precise results of survey not even done…
I wish he slept with me that night
When moonlessness found masturbating stars
Dipped in wine red emotions of craving unmatched
When laying alone on that terrace
I felt sexy for the first time
And wished for a moon cloud cladded…
Soon to be annealed and left with lusty desires
I wish he knew the vagabond, ignorant and mischievous me
Before discovering rational, responsible and reliable me…
And loved the dark in me before …
He made me believe …
I am made of light …
Soaked but baking under the sharp eyes of sun
Nudity finding a new dimension
With play of cloth tingles on the uneven tan of skin
Droplets traveling through the bare back
Showing an undernourished skin and impurities in veins
Flesh of legs and almost fleshless arms...
I wish I met him the day, I didn’t fear to look good
Seductivity lingered only on the edge of the eyes
Not showing up not going away
Traveling up to the edge of the lips and vanishing
Producing a shrug of desperation in spectators…
Drooling around to find the rare glimpses of it
And me unaware of it completely…
I wish he sat near me under that lone tree…
In the field where I used to go for surveying
Blazing sun wondered what material I am made of
With m oozing on that summer day
Found all reason not to work but command
When I found partners in crime and produced…
Precise results of survey not even done…
I wish he slept with me that night
When moonlessness found masturbating stars
Dipped in wine red emotions of craving unmatched
When laying alone on that terrace
I felt sexy for the first time
And wished for a moon cloud cladded…
Soon to be annealed and left with lusty desires
I wish he knew the vagabond, ignorant and mischievous me
Before discovering rational, responsible and reliable me…
And loved the dark in me before …
He made me believe …
I am made of light …
Monday, April 7, 2008
of sea, sky, sand and him 2
Tranquil ultramarine spread across the horizon
Sky is all set to seduce the sea to leave the land and travel through it
Forming an enormous cloud... deep in color, wet and rain bearing
Shore tries hard not to give in to the fling to become one with sea
Sand betraying the shore rushes to the sea...
Escorted and lured by the currents...
She awaits him with all her emotional turbulences...
Showing
in the wetness of her eyes...
in the curves of her body...
in the rushes of the flush
in the wave of arousal traveling pour by pour...
Sometimes steadily, sometimes erratic, sometimes rhythmic
And then ... he emerges...
at the silvering edge of the horizon...
Looking like a loner desperate to meet satori
Sky amazes and looks perplexed
Sand and current stop their dancing and seem freeze in motion
Even The unmatched libido of passionate sea goes placid
A change in her as well...
Mysticism takes over eroticism...
He seeks answers in her...
The quest of which made him travel to lands nowhere...
She finds questions in him...
She is born to answer of which she never found listeners...
Sky is all set to seduce the sea to leave the land and travel through it
Forming an enormous cloud... deep in color, wet and rain bearing
Shore tries hard not to give in to the fling to become one with sea
Sand betraying the shore rushes to the sea...
Escorted and lured by the currents...
She awaits him with all her emotional turbulences...
Showing
in the wetness of her eyes...
in the curves of her body...
in the rushes of the flush
in the wave of arousal traveling pour by pour...
Sometimes steadily, sometimes erratic, sometimes rhythmic
And then ... he emerges...
at the silvering edge of the horizon...
Looking like a loner desperate to meet satori
Sky amazes and looks perplexed
Sand and current stop their dancing and seem freeze in motion
Even The unmatched libido of passionate sea goes placid
A change in her as well...
Mysticism takes over eroticism...
He seeks answers in her...
The quest of which made him travel to lands nowhere...
She finds questions in him...
She is born to answer of which she never found listeners...
And it seems just the start of a story untold ...unborn...This air got empregnant just now and there is still time...
Of pouring clouds and coincidences
What was I doing when he had to walk for 24 hours to reach his nearest shelter some 3 years back followed by pneumonia … when Mumbai was washed by rains and had almost been abandoned by its caretakers…
Memories always betray me… I usually don’t have much to remember when I know I had suffered. I suffer and forget… erase the incidents and dates and there are no memories. Mind machine does it all for me it submits to my intense desire to be happy and rock d party. I wonder if it keeps any back up of memories or registry entry of events somewhere.
So to check I press upon it… the archived section is in to action… and I start remembering piece by piece…
I am in UD’s cabin the COO for projects under NID… he refuses to issue my stipend and write several mails to claim the same.
On the other hand mind starts parallel processing the endless details bit by bit of the bus I am designing… already in the sixth month of the project I am sick and tiered of enormous, monstrous, time consuming work which is not to lead me anywhere and not to let me go back… but who knew then ..That all those sleepless nights I spent are to go in vain… while I prepare the presentation of design and wait for rains to stop so that I could travel back to Bangalore and get done with the project.
Rain doesn’t stop, my stipend does … I shift back to hostel from the outside rented apartment … staying unauthorized, money less, aimless (no my parents didn’t stop the inflow of money… they didn’t know my stipend is stopped).
Till yesterday I was maintaining 2 apartments one at Bangalore one at Ahmedabad now I am unable to sustain even one. Rain postpones presentation- which postpones approvals- which postpones- stipends which postpones- reports- jury-convocation- new job joining- entry in international design team.
But who knew all that then… I am not so troubled by this postponement… sitting under the asbestos roof of the BMW (behind the metal workshop) canteen I love every bit of rains… it pours to please me … rains always give me sense of fulfillment, nourishment, care and I see my mom loving me through rains from distant land she sends these rain bearing cloud to pour over this asbestos shade to tell me I am still missed and cared and needed back in home.
It trances me back to home where its pouring now for 10 continuous day and I put on Megh Malhar in Kishori Amonker’s voice (when I visualize the voice I see sister not her)… loud … clear… enchanting she says… “maaan na kariye…. Tumhare karana aayo megha…” (Don’t be distant now that these rain bearing clouds have come just for you)… and calls me to get drenched in the eternal nectar pouring in the form of water drops…(Anandamrit…)
I stand in shade… refusing all the calls of Kishori Amonker of my mind and my trance breaks. Bus comes in front of me trapped in rains unable to move… and I laugh at my own imagery of situation…
Twitchy, jittery, agitated but not depressed but angry I come back sit in front of my booked computer in this big computer center… and there is a mail in the group mail… yahoo group … S is yelling “N(me) ko koi yahan se le jao (someone take her away from here) she doesn’t let me work… sits directly opposite in this comp lab troubling me distracting me”… I laugh at this regular prank S loves to play over group mail… approach him in person and see how his work is shaping up (he had recently designed costumes for a movie and it had come out well but documenting the same is being troubling him resulting in a prank on group mail). He smiles a naughty smile…and I read delay in documentation… but I also read determination…
“A” gets the joke over group mail and sends reply…
“Dip dip dip…. And it’s ready to sip…
If you want it stronger dip a little longer …
Dip dip dip…. And it’s ready to sip…” yes mine would be a great sip… a strong one a determined me declare…while reading A’s reply…
Diploma projects are considered never ending at NID . they seem unending to all who do them … but all at NID have to do them and it also ends as everything ends…. Sometime well, sometime short, sometime timely, sometime swarming, sometime tight, sometimes loose…
Mine too ended …. With bitter sweet memories … some acclamations and some bad words … I had my share of both…
Rain stopped exactly after 20 days (postponing my presentation twice) of this day and I could leave only on 15th of august delaying my project by 3 months in total… I paid for that stay… that delay… touched the greatest low of career … emotional distress… only to recover and come in shape when I shall meet him exactly after 2 years on the same date when he walked for 24 hours continuously to reach the nearest shelter…
That night he realized the hope he was clinging on was false that night I realized even when I seem to go down it is only to reach new high in the near or distant future.
Memories always betray me… I usually don’t have much to remember when I know I had suffered. I suffer and forget… erase the incidents and dates and there are no memories. Mind machine does it all for me it submits to my intense desire to be happy and rock d party. I wonder if it keeps any back up of memories or registry entry of events somewhere.
So to check I press upon it… the archived section is in to action… and I start remembering piece by piece…
I am in UD’s cabin the COO for projects under NID… he refuses to issue my stipend and write several mails to claim the same.
On the other hand mind starts parallel processing the endless details bit by bit of the bus I am designing… already in the sixth month of the project I am sick and tiered of enormous, monstrous, time consuming work which is not to lead me anywhere and not to let me go back… but who knew then ..That all those sleepless nights I spent are to go in vain… while I prepare the presentation of design and wait for rains to stop so that I could travel back to Bangalore and get done with the project.
Rain doesn’t stop, my stipend does … I shift back to hostel from the outside rented apartment … staying unauthorized, money less, aimless (no my parents didn’t stop the inflow of money… they didn’t know my stipend is stopped).
Till yesterday I was maintaining 2 apartments one at Bangalore one at Ahmedabad now I am unable to sustain even one. Rain postpones presentation- which postpones approvals- which postpones- stipends which postpones- reports- jury-convocation- new job joining- entry in international design team.
But who knew all that then… I am not so troubled by this postponement… sitting under the asbestos roof of the BMW (behind the metal workshop) canteen I love every bit of rains… it pours to please me … rains always give me sense of fulfillment, nourishment, care and I see my mom loving me through rains from distant land she sends these rain bearing cloud to pour over this asbestos shade to tell me I am still missed and cared and needed back in home.
It trances me back to home where its pouring now for 10 continuous day and I put on Megh Malhar in Kishori Amonker’s voice (when I visualize the voice I see sister not her)… loud … clear… enchanting she says… “maaan na kariye…. Tumhare karana aayo megha…” (Don’t be distant now that these rain bearing clouds have come just for you)… and calls me to get drenched in the eternal nectar pouring in the form of water drops…(Anandamrit…)
I stand in shade… refusing all the calls of Kishori Amonker of my mind and my trance breaks. Bus comes in front of me trapped in rains unable to move… and I laugh at my own imagery of situation…
Twitchy, jittery, agitated but not depressed but angry I come back sit in front of my booked computer in this big computer center… and there is a mail in the group mail… yahoo group … S is yelling “N(me) ko koi yahan se le jao (someone take her away from here) she doesn’t let me work… sits directly opposite in this comp lab troubling me distracting me”… I laugh at this regular prank S loves to play over group mail… approach him in person and see how his work is shaping up (he had recently designed costumes for a movie and it had come out well but documenting the same is being troubling him resulting in a prank on group mail). He smiles a naughty smile…and I read delay in documentation… but I also read determination…
“A” gets the joke over group mail and sends reply…
“Dip dip dip…. And it’s ready to sip…
If you want it stronger dip a little longer …
Dip dip dip…. And it’s ready to sip…” yes mine would be a great sip… a strong one a determined me declare…while reading A’s reply…
Diploma projects are considered never ending at NID . they seem unending to all who do them … but all at NID have to do them and it also ends as everything ends…. Sometime well, sometime short, sometime timely, sometime swarming, sometime tight, sometimes loose…
Mine too ended …. With bitter sweet memories … some acclamations and some bad words … I had my share of both…
Rain stopped exactly after 20 days (postponing my presentation twice) of this day and I could leave only on 15th of august delaying my project by 3 months in total… I paid for that stay… that delay… touched the greatest low of career … emotional distress… only to recover and come in shape when I shall meet him exactly after 2 years on the same date when he walked for 24 hours continuously to reach the nearest shelter…
That night he realized the hope he was clinging on was false that night I realized even when I seem to go down it is only to reach new high in the near or distant future.
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