Prescription...

So came the morning.... deprived of the warmth of the sun... who chose
to hide behind the gloomy clouds and gave way to stormy wind to fill
the chill in the wind strokes that touch us now and then... freezing
cold ... and damp... the atmosphere seem to be trying to come in terms
with the gloom that surrounds her existence un nursed she was... did
she ever realized... none looked at her for long or even for short
towards this blunt, head strong, rigid creature with a tyrant heart
... a distinct taste for clothes she could never understand how she
stands the other Her ... the stout female she hangs around with and
look at her what is she wearing today....a short red pant which
stopped just before the ankle... a small top and a large coat with a
big umbrella in hand. What a contrast to a well build well dressed
her... still they coexist and relate... the mind that they both had
vibrated in synchrony on many issues...

Manufacturing defects they used to laugh...

She saw her standing at the gate of an unfamiliar residence... they
looked at each other and laughed ... for no reason (the situation
couldn't allow even a hint of laughter...) and when they were done...
they could see the moist eyes which couldn't be hidden from each
other...
she would cry any moment she thought...
no i wont she thought... i have... but not now....
she sees a disfigured smile... but a distinct recognition of empathy...

they stayed together... and let the chilly brease pass through their
hair... for the sake of solidarity... no word spoken... nothing
unearthed... still she knew... its broken... it wont be one again...

She looked at her... she looked at her... and it was known there
wasn't any point to discuss... the ear drum was broken by that blow
and face was disfigured... she could only hear from one ear... that
too echoed... humm they laughed at it....
What if I see a handsome man and he wish to whisper something... which
I wont hear...
And they laughed again... they needed to see the doctor immidiately...
So they rushed....
Doctor after doctor... door after door... tests after test...

Run and cross....
No i am scared to cross... i need to hold hand
There no hand to hold... run at my call...she doesnt notice... the
impact of the statement...
She laughs, yes there isnt any hand now to hold...
She sees bleak dimming eyes.. eyes those used to be wide and full and
smiling... sorry she says ... i didnt mean it.. but run on my call
hold my hand if you wish...

They reach the doc... last in rows... same set of question...

What happned?
I fell...
This doesnt seem to caused by falling...
I said i fell... thats all i know...
Maybe someone hit you after you fell...
The doctor sees the change of emotion on her face... i fell and thats
all i know...
Are you married....

This time the other her laughs... sure she is... what do you think ...
people fall and married people fall often...

No married people fall for once and then they file a divorce... she confirms...

Doctor is shocked now.... whats wrong with you ladies.... if it is a
police case i wont touch this... anyways there is very less chance
that you will hear from this ear again... i will try my best...

Oh no doctor... i wish to hear... other wise how would i hear the
whisper so wishfull... i wish to hear that... i wish to hear more...

And they both laugh... and laugh and laugh...

The doctore precribes... not to laugh and not to be with a mad person
like her.

Dreamflower

I feel a part of u inside me.
Ooo! Yes I know you.
By Your smell...
The unique aroma... of yours

I know you...
From the days of my childhood
When mom put a dash...
Under my arm

I know you
From the days
When i follow your sweet pungent
And reached my moms pallu

Which swung...
Here and there
And so do you
And i know you

I fell for you once again
Discovered you new
This morning
Rays brought you in

You rushed all over
Soothing my pours
Oh! How could...
I refuse

It hung around me
When you left
The day long
And refreshed me at day end

Something in me needs you
Something in me incomplete without you
You fill me... cover me
oo! Dream flower Thank you!

own me

Would you not disown, when I change punk
When I will come running
In the purple orange hair, to reflect the gay within
And when you see me clad in spares or just nothings

Soaked in dripping clouds if I stand for hours
Will you collect those drops?
Dripping from the string of my stole
Edging fast edging slow....

Would you follow the path it leaves?
And run on it ... as it runs on my wet face.
Trying to mimic the tantalizing effect...
Thinking why it travels with such unnerving slow pace

Would you be surprised?
If it goes at reckless fast at other moment
And make you feel every pour it crosses
With your eyes... and your hands

Would you still hold my hand?
When I decide to fly so suddenly
With the wildest of the butterfly
And then you see we aren’t two specie; But one in spirit

Would you be my light
In those night, when i wish its moonlit
But moonless it decides
And i need you close for that night and forever

Would stand by that window
Waiting.... till i come
Which remains it the memory
We both wish to relive

I can go on
And you know what is known
But would you try to know
The unknown deep inside my heart

Strangers

An arms distance they lie
Close but not together
she and her pleasure

She recalls when she met him first
The moon was full
Peeping through... that tree of khamar
Which shed its leaves
To help him see through
They stood together
And looked at moon
For endless time
She and her pleasure

When she turned 18
It was him again
To evoke the shy in her
Which she became forever
He just looked at her
Wasn’t near but she presumed they were together
She went ahead becoming old
To grow Head strong and bold
For no reason they seem drifted
She and her pleasure

More she learnt more he resist
Without her knowledge they digressed
To stand alone in hope of reunion
Years apart they gone
She and her pleasure

Now they stand close
Looking at each other
Showing not even Slightest recognition
She and her pleasure...

Lost ..... lost forever ...
From each other....
She and her pleasure...

competition and fear

Competition and fear seem to be two driving forces that seem to be driving the humanity these days...
And my take on both was contrary to mass opinion and behavior.... And yet again I fail to comprehend why?

Do I face competition?.... that was the question.... and it forced me to ponder...
I don’t... I had never faced any competition...
There isn’t a specific reason why.... maybe I never had anything to prove ...
There wasn’t a substantial threat to my existence... maybe I was always accepted and celebrated.... all my peers were so close to my heart to have any substantial competition with them... all loved me so that I wished best for them even that wasn’t in my personal benefit...
I also wonder why I wasn’t much frightened (I guess I wasn’t frightened at all) when the terror struck our city...
My dear ones had very narrow escape ... the place I love as architect was shattered... I felt I was close to loose everything that I have and yet I am not scared... may be its true that I am not emotional... towards myself and others... maybe its true that this world doesn’t effect me... as much as it effects others...

May be I am too insane to be human... maybe I don’t value human existence

void of finality

void that is surrounded by mass
tells about the emptyness of complete
she breaths through these pockets
under the surround of those mighty forms
the tightness of the bond, finds its definition...
in the expression of the space
two entities share in a clasp
relations live on unsatisfied desires
without which they become complete
and the finality make them forgotton soon....

floral pants

She reached... home.... or so to say so.... slowly climbing those spick and span steps.... counting on each step.... gasping for strength... it was one of those days of year when she wish the air has more oxygen so a little of it can take her long.... on such days when she is short breath and pollen in air shows its strength... strange she feels how full grown human like her can be made to bow before the small particle like pollen... nature has strange ways to show every small or large object its place....

The final tread and she is there.... she saw A approaching.... smiling.... she smilled back.... hey what have you got.... this very moment.... she regained everything that was lost.... the vigour was back the spright was back and shining on her face.... (wonder how weakest of women jump on the very mention of shopping).
The show started.... a floral pants... big flowers printed on.... the maron top to go wid it.... and a burst of laughter from A.... she is puzzled whats wrong.... she has always worn these big flowers.... and these pants look beautiful.... but A has different ideas... “ my dear lady” A continues... “ you are short and its time you realise that big flowers dont suit you... besides that dont go wid you image and age... you look younger and funnier in those “ .... “oh i dont care” she replies...”i like those and thats it....” both smile in unison... know that they cannot change each other....

She climbs the bus with difficulties... the weather and pollen had been at their worst and she had to travel so suddenly.... no reservation anywhere... so the bus....
“Let’s take it.... this is also a challenge”... she tells herself and starts...
All eyes on her as she boards with difficulty... slowly .... try to hide her weak state and short breathes.... some 52 pairs of eyes scrutinize her as she make her way to the seat... first seat... reserved for ladies... and soon she sat she realised she is the only female on board.... and so she realised all on board are looking at every small part of her body as if they havent seen a female before... and also that she becomes a lesser human the moment she is recognised as woman... she become suddenly very conscious of what she wore....
And what she wore.... her floral pants... (They are so comfortable... she had to wear them)...

She covered herself with another layer of shawl to be sure her curves are fully covered and rescued from the winds that are making her wheeze.... she breathes with great difficulties... and soon forgets about.... the sea of eyes looking at her .... the alcohol soaked air.... the smell of gutakha, which works less as mouth freshner and more as intoxicator to the person having it and which irritates her with its strong smell... she draws in herself the wheater, the rattle of the bus, the chill in the air, all make her draw in herself and be away from the journey the destination and the surround....

She caugh now and then to reassure that she lives.... the bus keeps running on the ghats of this Gondwana terrain sometimes she seem to run fine and some other time she seem to digress....
The buswalas.... keep yelling... Jagadalpur.... Jagadalpur.... Jagadalpur.... she keeps reminding them it is kondagaon she wish to go so tell her when it comes.... they dont even seem to hear her... or simply pretend that they dont.... she gives up... her breathing gets heavier.... she cant talk more... not a word... she sinks in to the shawl again... deep.... “am i sleeping or ... i am awake... half asleep she.... knows she cant sleep.... she pulls out a pill from her bag... and with this pull a sweet aroma fills the environment.... she realises that the essential oil that her father blended for her to cure her Asthama.... she takes a whiff... sniffs it in... the oil in the form of vapor gets in to the lung covers a part of it.... reduces the swell and she is relieved for a second....temporary relief....

She puts the pill in to her ... and look for a greater comfort... nothing comes easy.... she starts to shake.... Ahh! The side effect.... nothing comes without a pricetag.... she smiles at herself and the situation she had put herself in... Trembling she sits on her seat trying not to show anyone the situation she was in.... no one should know... this night shall pass and i will be alive to face the great responsibility i took .... There are so many who wait for me... i shall live...

The bus sways suddenly and stops .... the naxalite naka they say.... everyone is asked to get out.... she slowly rose... covered herself again.... tighten the shawl around and gets down.... now everyone can see her.... even those who didn’t realize earlier that there is a lady traveling with them one such person was sitting just behind her... the naxal asks her to stand aloof... as he doesn’t wish to bother her.... he says aloud naxals have respect for women... he smiles she is too weak to smile at this moment.... the full moon night so beautiful goes hazy in her eyes... she shakes more visibly and the asthelene is at work... the chill in the air is at its best.... and she stood aloof of the mob of men.... they all do what the naxal says... the guy in his early twenties is commanding a big mob of around 50 men.... Men she laughs in her mind....

After the procedure is complete they were ask to board the bus again and the bus rattles again to the winding path that shines in this beautiful full moon night.... she despairs how she isn’t able to appreciate or react on anything that’s happening around her... Ahh! This isn’t me... I don’t wish to be this... she cries... but cries cant fight with the shivers that she is experiencing... she sits still and try to harmonies her breath.... slow ... and deep.... soon the medicine puts her to a state of half sleep state and she becomes unconscious of her state... at least for sometime....

In her dreams she feels something crawling on her body.... no not on the entire body... but something like trying to start crawling.... what is it.... she tries to identify.... (even in her dream she is inquisitive and aware) the creature that crawls feels familiar... how she isn’t able to see the creature.... only can feel it on her body .... oh it is on one of my side and it is starting to crawl from behind.... its long with many legs... her breath becomes shorter and shorter as she tries to look .... almost out of breath she is awakes suddenly.... and figure there is actually something which has crawled from behind to her breast and now is trying to locate her nipple.... she jumps... that which crawled was a hand of the person sitting on the seat just behind hers.... as she jumps and stands looking at the person behind..... she sees everyone on board in deep sleep.... including the person whose hand she found crawling over her body....

Filled with disgust.... she knew half of them are pretending it and at least 10-15 were witnessing the crime .... she has no evidence of.... something moves in her she feels like crying at high pitch .... but no she isn’t so feeble... she cant be... this isn’t her to step back at the time of action she stand on her seat and bends backwards to reach the guy on seat behind hers.... pulls him with his hair..... looks for his hand and twists his wrists with whatever force she could.... the guys starts yelling .... shouting.... for help.... some other also shout at her.... she pays no attention keeps beating him till she could and sits calmly after she is done .... as if nothing happens...
The mob follows her ... all shut their eyes to what happened.... she smiles in her mind.... now the guy on the seat behind hers sits shivering for the rest of the night....
A night which becomes a bright and shiny day as the bus approaches Kondagaon....
.... and she feels herself again in her floral print pants....